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  • Our Writers:

Halo? More like GAYlo, amirite?

There comes a time in a boy’s life where he must become a man.

At that point in his life he must choose: Halo, or Half-life?

True men choose Half-life, while the weak chose Halo.

Here’s 20 reasons why Half-life is better than Gaylo:

1. Gordon Freeman is a scientist, and that’s like totally awesome because he’s all nerdy.

2. Master Chief is a sparatan. Sorry, bro, can’t relate. Too busy eating Cheeto dust.

3. Sparatan were stolen from a movie called 300. This movie was about a bunch of shirtlBess goons sexing up ladies. Bungie made a stupid decision assosciating themselves with this horrible abomination of a movie.

4. Bungie used to make games for Macs. You know what “Macs”  is backwards, don’t you? Macs are probably the worst computer ever made by anyone ever for old ladies and men who butt love.

5. Halo has guns, which are ugly, brutish things. In Half-Life, Gordon is equiped with a crowbar. Truely an artist’s weapon. Watch as the crowbar slashes down enemies and breaks wood.

6. Gaylo is like 3 hours long or some shit. That’s the equivalent of a 1.8” penis. Half-life 2 is nearly 42 hours long!!! And none of it is shit either. It’s all fucking awesome.

7. Halo has probably some of the most generic excuses for aliens ever. You could choose to shoot the purple/blue alien with the annoying voice who bleeds yellow or the yellow/purple alien with the annoying voice who bleeds purple. Fuck me.

8. Halo doesn’t have fire.

9. Half-life revolutionized the FPS genre.

10. Halo is not nearly as interactive. Did you know that %32 of the game is cutscenes? That’s balls! Half-life has NO cutscenes ALL of it takes place in the eyes of Gordon Freeman.

11. In Halo you can carry 2 guns.

12. Halo’s physics relies off an in-house engine designed by Bungie probably while they were still making games for the Mac. As you’d expect, along with everything else about macs, it’s utter shit. Did you know Valve took the Havok engine for Half-life 2, modded the FUCK out of it and turned its badass level up by 903%?

13. Half-life 2 has a bunch of mods, so if you’re the sad fuck who didn’t enjoy Half-life 2 how it was, you can fag out on all the shitty mods you want. [check out Insurgency!]

14. Here’s a monologue of my mind while I’m playing Half-life: ” Oh wow this level design is incredible. This is some beautifull graphics, the texture detail the model accuracy. I’m floored. Oh, wow. Can I talk about the game play for a sec? Holy fuck, finished up that briliant battle with the chopper and, what’s this? A puzzle? A break between the constant fighting to lower down my battle fatigue? This is truely the best game ever” Okay, here’s a monologue of my brain while playing Halo: “DURR HURR PUSH FORWARD SHOOT LOL THAT ALIEN SED SUMTHIN FUNNY WHEN I SHOT IT”fags

15. Bungie is now owned by Microsoft. Microsoft is a terrible country ran by terrible people and you should feel bad if you like it.

16. Half-life 2 is for PC and was for PC only until it got fagged up by the Xbox market.

17. Halo’s models are all robots. In Half-life they are real people with real feelings and real emotions.

18. How original is “Master Chief.” Did you know that that’s, like, two military ranks put into one? What’s that shit, lol.

19. Airducts are probably the most incredible playing field ever featured in a videogame.

20. Half-life was made before Halo and Halo just coppied all of Valve’s ideas. They even coppied the name, Valve, that’s like an inanimate object attatched to a wall. Bungie, that’s like an inanimate object attatched to the back of a truck, or a bridge. Total copy cat. That’s gay.

Hope you all enjoyed my list.

Peace

~~ Release_Candidate ~~

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12 Responses

  1. No, you aren’t right. In fact, you’re a total cunt. Well done on using “gay” as a derogatory term like most clueless, fat Americans. Fucking cuntwipe.

  2. oh yeah well you know what they say about britain, dont ya? they you all have bad teeth and you watch a terrible sport and you all bow down to the queen hahahahahah suck her dick

    pwnd

  3. You’re just jealous because my computer is better than yours and your too poor to buy a pc that can even run DOS!!!

    owned

  4. No, faggot. If you knew ANYTHING about the history of FPS and videogames, you’d know while Doom.invented FPS, Half-life revolutionized it. Before Half-life, every FPS was just doom with new skins, you want to still play Doom? Then be a faggot and like Halo.

  5. Fuck you haters, go play some Halo.

  6. Lol my post got edited by zzzdude

    AND HE’S A FAG LOLOL BECAUSE I KNOW HE’LL EDIT THIS ONE TOO

  7. get a life, kid

  8. Half-Life fanboy spotted.

  9. halo has fanboys, half-life has hardcore gamers.

  10. […] stated a rather educated opinion on why Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 is the worst game next to Halo. I highly suggest reading the ThreeFourt reviews on the two […]

  11. 1. Gordon Freeman is a scientist, and that’s like totally awesome because he’s all nerdy.

    -No ‘real’ point here.

    2. Master Chief is a sparatan. Sorry, bro, can’t relate. Too busy eating Cheeto dust.

    -It’s ‘Spartan’, noob. Learn to spell properly.

    3. Sparatan were stolen from a movie called 300. This movie was about a bunch of shirtlBess goons sexing up ladies. Bungie made a stupid decision assosciating themselves with this horrible abomination of a movie.

    -The ‘Spartan’ word were of an even older origin than Halo or 300. Bungie definitely didn’t ‘stole’ it from that movie. Next time, do your history research properly nub.

    4. Bungie used to make games for Macs. You know what “Macs” is backwards, don’t you? Macs are probably the worst computer ever made by anyone ever for old ladies and men who butt love.

    -Mac owners don’t have to worry about security problems and buggy software.

    5. Halo has guns, which are ugly, brutish things. In Half-Life, Gordon is equiped with a crowbar. Truely an artist’s weapon. Watch as the crowbar slashes down enemies and breaks wood.

    -Retarded point. The crowbar is even more ‘brutish’, and totally useless as primary battlefield weapons. Plus, even Half Life has guns you moron…

    6. Gaylo is like 3 hours long or some shit. That’s the equivalent of a 1.8” penis. Half-life 2 is nearly 42 hours long!!! And none of it is shit either. It’s all fucking awesome.

    -That really depends on the player itself, you noob. Did you even play games properly? Oh, and by the way, did you use your own penis as a reference?

    7. Halo has probably some of the most generic excuses for aliens ever. You could choose to shoot the purple/blue alien with the annoying voice who bleeds yellow or the yellow/purple alien with the annoying voice who bleeds purple. Fuck me.

    -Don’t fix something that’s not broken. Unlike you.

    8. Halo doesn’t have fire.

    -Ever even heard that there’s a flamethrower in Halo PC, fag?

    9. Half-life revolutionized the FPS genre.

    -Proof needed.

    10. Halo is not nearly as interactive. Did you know that %32 of the game is cutscenes? That’s balls! Half-life has NO cutscenes ALL of it takes place in the eyes of Gordon Freeman.

    -All those ‘interactions’ are unskippable. Total wackjob.

    11. In Halo you can carry 2 guns.

    T-hat’s so you can plan and strategize, rather than just blow off. Besides, it’s more realistic that way. How the hell can you even carry that many weapons in HL? Logical failure.

    12. Halo’s physics relies off an in-house engine designed by Bungie probably while they were still making games for the Mac. As you’d expect, along with everything else about macs, it’s utter shit. Did you know Valve took the Havok engine for Half-life 2, modded the FUCK out of it and turned its badass level up by 903%?

    -Once again, proof needed.

    13. Half-life 2 has a bunch of mods, so if you’re the sad fuck who didn’t enjoy Half-life 2 how it was, you can fag out on all the shitty mods you want. [check out Insurgency!]

    -HAHAHA

    14. Here’s a monologue of my mind while I’m playing Half-life: ” Oh wow this level design is incredible. This is some beautifull graphics, the texture detail the model accuracy. I’m floored. Oh, wow. Can I talk about the game play for a sec? Holy fuck, finished up that briliant battle with the chopper and, what’s this? A puzzle? A break between the constant fighting to lower down my battle fatigue? This is truely the best game ever” Okay, here’s a monologue of my brain while playing Halo: “DURR HURR PUSH FORWARD SHOOT LOL THAT ALIEN SED SUMTHIN FUNNY WHEN I SHOT IT”fags

    -That just a senseless ad hominem attack.

    15. Bungie is now owned by Microsoft. Microsoft is a terrible country ran by terrible people and you should feel bad if you like it.

    -So, according to your genius brain, when one part is bad, all is bad then? How brilliant!

    16. Half-life 2 is for PC and was for PC only until it got fagged up by the Xbox market.

    -Commercial success needs no further explanation.

    17. Halo’s models are all robots. In Half-life they are real people with real feelings and real emotions.

    -Wow. You are actually THIS shallow-minded? Something’s wrong when you’re looking for ’emotions’ and ‘feelings’ in a game, instead of a real person, nerd.

    18. How original is “Master Chief.” Did you know that that’s, like, two military ranks put into one? What’s that shit, lol.

    -Once again, critical research failure.

    19. Airducts are probably the most incredible playing field ever featured in a videogame.

    -Not when it’s used repetitively. It doesn’t make any logical sense either, to crawl through a fucking airduct with THAT many weapons…

    20. Half-life was made before Halo and Halo just coppied all of Valve’s ideas. They even coppied the name, Valve, that’s like an inanimate object attatched to a wall. Bungie, that’s like an inanimate object attatched to the back of a truck, or a bridge. Total copy cat. That’s gay.

    -Once again, proof first. They were about the same development time anyway.

    It’s when that even after 2 years, people still hate you, that’s when you’ve just reached the lowest of low and most failure of fail. Nub.

  12. i am dissapoint in tiny baby man.

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