Analysis of the Sniper Update: pt 1


Part 1: A disection of  Some Sniper News

Well, let’s look at what Valve has said yet so far. I will be giving points to fakeness as I see fit.


195$ (AUD)


April 1st, 2009


Potential Photoshop Piss Prank

Potential Photoshop Piss Prank

Well, let’ see. APRIL FIRST?! I think that’s an obvious joke. +100 points unless Valve just has very bad timing (please, no more Gabe Newell jokes).

Next, let’s look at the image!

First, we got the jar itself, being held by the sniper. We all know that Valve has the model of the jar already, it was seen in Meet the Sniper. But in this image, YOU CAN’T SEE ANY POLYS! Yea, its all rounded. LOOKS LIKE IT WAS PHOTOSHOPPED. Not only that, but the spy has piss dripping from his sleeve, in a very PHOTOSHOP like style. +15 Points because at least Valve tried to make it look real.

Oh yes, let’s not forget the filename!


Wow, not once has valve EVER used language like that. If this was real, I am pretty sure they would at least name their jaypegs correctly. +5 points.

April 1st: 120 points


April 2nd, 2009

It’s been a couple of weeks since we posted, so we thought it’d be good to do some housekeeping. The next class pack will focus on the Sniper. It’s actually shaping up to be the largest TF2 update yet, with multiple new maps and a bunch of gameplay tweaks. In addition, we’ve got another update in the works that should be done before the Sniper, and that one will include some new content for all classes.

Largest tf2 update? Multiple new maps? New gameplay tweaks? AND A QUICKER UPDATE BEFORE THE SNIPER? Valve has already announced day 1 of the possible sniper update, which means we should be playing within the next week or two. So where is our Hats update? Doesn’t look like we got one yet, so its safe to assume this sniper update isnt coming out when it should. +50 points for self-contridiction.

April 2nd, 2009: 50 points

May 5th, 2009

This update talks about some challenges they face with the sniper. Stating the obvious facts:

1) Snipers are pussies who are hiding behind things and require no effort to play.

2) Noone likes snipers because they cannot see them when they have their head blown off.

3) Snipers should be a close ranged class and completely visible to the team.

Well, that’s a good outlook on our sniper update-to-be. Pleasing nearly everyone by making snipers not snipers. I love you Valve. Sadly though, as much as I hate to say it, this shouldn’t be correct. What’s really true is that Valve is just pleasing those arrogant people who hate sniper, so they can successfully say that the sniper update is next without a bunch of anger from fellow fans. Good job valve! They are the best when it comes to public psychology! +25 points!

May 5th, 2009: 25 points


Useful links:

  1. Part 1: A disection of  Some Sniper News
  2. Part 2: Analysis of the Sniper Update -Day 1: First unlockable Weapon
  3. Part 3: Analysis of the Sniper Update -Day 2: New Maps
  4. Part 4: Analysis of the Sniper Update -Day 3: Second Unlockable Weapon
  5. Part 5: Analysis of the Sniper Update -Day 4: Spy Catalog
  6. Part 6: Some Sniper Update Truth
  7. Part 7: Interviews with important people concerning Sniper Updates
  8. Part 8: Analysis of the Sniper Update -Day 5: Unnanounced
  9. Part 9: Analysis of the Sniper Update -Day 6: Unnanounced
  10. Part 10: The Truth

One Response

  1. hilarious

    you truly are a comedic genius

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