Sniper Update Predictions

We heard from a personal contact FROM WITHIN VALVE some news on the sniper update.

They say they want to switch the snipers primary with a closer range weapon in order to make a more enjoyable experience for both sides of the party.  Since we couldn’t get the info on what exactly the unlockable will be, here are a few of our own personal suggestions:


1. Scoped Shotgun

This shotgun is like any ordinary shotgun, except it has a scope just like the rifle, which while zoomed in increases the critical rate of the shot, and reduces the spread as well. Although it doesn’t deal as much damage as the original rifle, it makes up for by having an actual clip, allowing for faster shots.

2. Laser Light Laser

This weapon is a laser that has a medium range to long, but its very bright and colourful so everyone can see it when you have it equiped.  This allows for people to instantly see where those damn snipers are hiding. However a much faster charge rate makes this weapon ideal for those snipers who aren’t going to be pussies hiding behind the battlements. This weapon has an iron sight instead of a zoom, making the weapon have less of a range.

3. Vegemite

This little snack increases melee combat damage, at the cost of a lovely taunt and being temporarily vulnerable.

4. Cricket Bat

This bat is for playing cricket with, hence the odd shape. Since its so flat, it really stings when you get hit with it the first time. Whenever the sniper slaps someone with this plank of wood the first time it is a garanteed crit, but for each following hit it deals less damage than your regular kukri.

5. Bayonetted Rifle

The only reason why you don’t have a scope on this rifle is because there is A FUCKING KNIFE INSTEAD. NOW YOU CAN BE COOL.

6. Boomerang

EVERYONE wants it, hence why valve isn’t going to release it as a weapon.


Valve already made this weapon, why would they want to remake it?

8. Compound Bow

Australians aren’t known for their bow-hunting, thats ooc for valve to do.

9. Jarate

Looks awesome, can’t wait.

10. Chair

The sniper can now sit back and relax on a nice reclining foldout lawn chair. Although it takes a while to set up and you are completely stationary, at least you can’t be backstabbed!

11. Spear

This is a spear that can either A. be thrown or B have extended reach, eather is fine.



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