Classless Update: Day 1

What do we have here? A new update? AND IT’S NOT A CLASS UPDATE?
Amazing. Something I would have never seen coming.
Let us analyze this update to the full extent, taking in all the news we have recieved.

18 NEW HATS

Now we haven’t seen all of the hats, so I made a spiffy checklist!

Scout	[ ][ ]
Soldier	[ ][ ]
Pyro	[ ][ ]
Demo	[ ][ ]
Heavy	[ ][ ]
Engi	[ ][ ]
Medic	[ ][ ]
Sniper	[ ][ ]
Spy	[ ][ ]

Everytime we see a new hat, we simply check a box which will be shown at the end of each page. We will also have a link inside that box to the relevant post which first introduced said hat. Now that we have our organization taken care of, let’s look at the hats of today!

engi and heavy 1

Goddamnit what is that hat called?!

First off, we have the engineer. We all know he’s from texas, and what is more befitting than a cowboy’s hat? We know that when on the red team it is white. Perhaps black or brown when on blue? Similiar to the spy’s cigarette.

In the same image we have the heavy. And he is wearing a… whatever you call it. A russian hat. Heavy is russian, so he wears a russian hat. Glad to see that valve thinks in a logical sense. I still want my Fez though…

I'M GANNA HEADBUTT YA

I'M GANNA HEADBUTT YA

The scout’s hat, or lack thereof, is just that; no hat. We sometimes see this in-game, when a scout loses his helmet. It’s quite a sight to see, since it makes him look like the medic.

Now we have the “Featured” Hats.

soldier 1

Sun Tzu said that

Starting with the soldier. He is wearing a very vibrant viking vestigal. Like all hats, rather pointless, but this one is even more-so pointless. The soldier isn’t a viking, nor is he even related to vikings. Sure this hat could be a relation to midevil settings, but we all know Battlefield Heroes is having this months special customization items to be in the same theme. Valve doesn’t copy people.

That spy is an oddjob

That spy is an oddjob

The spy REALLY deserves a bowlers cap, almost as much as a top-hat. Why? Well if you really have to ask that you need to watch more of the classic GOOD James Bond movies. One of the key villains wears a bowlers cap, but not any old ordinary bowling cap; A SHARP EDGED THROWING BOWLING CAP THAT CAN DECAPITATE PEOPLE.

Finally we have the pyro’s new hat. It’s a fireman’s helmet. You know why this is bad? Well the community had already made a pyro’s fire helmet which looks very similiar to that. Like I mentioned before, Valve doesn’t copy people. That means, they contacted the person who made the fireman’s cap, and asked them to put it in their update. Valve is awesome.

A gas mask and a helmet. He's unstoppable.

A gas mask and a helmet. He's unstoppable.

Now this post is arlready getting lengthy, but I’m still not done! We have an entire map to analyze! Lucky for you, it’s an arena map, which means it’s quite small.

Mountain?

Mountain?

Arena_Offblast might look like an ordinary old rocky mountain, but really, deep inside, is a secret missile silo being constantly battled over by RED and BLU. Surrounding the edges of the map are shear cliff drops, forcing you to stay close to the center. Demomen, sentries, scouts, and soldiers will be deadly on the exterior of this cold, hard shell.

FINAL VERDICT:

Scout	[ ][ ]
Soldier	[VIKING][ ]
Pyro	[FIREMAN][ ]
Demo	[ ][ ]
Heavy	[USHANKA][ ]
Engi	[COWBOY][ ]
Medic	[ ][ ]
Sniper	[ ][ ]
Spy	[BOWLERS][ ]
Other:
new maps	[OFFBLAST][ ]
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2 Responses

  1. what about the secrets

  2. You ganna make a post bout how they stole your map idea from 2008? ?

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