It’s the bloody war.

Scout was bored. Really bored. He was doing the same thing for the last 3 hours. And he really didn’t liked doing the same thing for 3 hours. The base was quiet, anyway. Really quiet. It was all because last day’s fight. Scout remembered it well. It happened around… 9AM.


Demoman’s scream echoed through the base. Scout immediately stopped what he was doing – daily workouts. Medic dropped his papers that he used to record Scout’s daily exercises for medical needs. He scratched his head and looked around, complaining:

“Vhat is he thinking? Zcreaming around ze base like a dumbkopf!” he started to pick up each of the papers “Vell, Scout, I think ze can go now. Ach…”

Scout rubbed his chin and picked up his stuff next to the benches. Another scream echoed around the base, and he could already hear Medic complaining in the next room. Scout thought that maybe something really bad was going to happen. He sighed and went back to the dining room, ready to have breakfast. Weird, it was called the “dining” room. Anyway, Scout never really thought about it:

“Ey’ can’t be speaking ‘eh truth!” Demoman screamed to the Spy, who was just picking his creme brulê.

“I am zorry, Demoman” he tossed the cigarette out of the window “Maybe ze can find another friend.”

“Oh, no, lad!” Demoman pointed to Spy as he walked to his table “You best be speaking ‘eh truth, or else ye going to wake up ‘ith a sticky in your mouth!”

“What’s up, Demo?” Scout asked, laying his backpack next to the door “Hey, are you getting those eggs?”

Demoman simply throwed the plate off the window. Scout looked at him mouth-opened as he heard the crash outside:

“Wow, wow, man, if you’re in a bad day, don’t blame the eggs!” Scout said to an agry Demoman, who walked outside the room “What’s up with HIM?”

“Friend betray Demoman.”

“Wow wow wow, big guy, don’t scare me like that!” Scout almost dropped his juice as Heavy suddenly appeared behind him

“Is leetle man scared?” he laughed

“No, I ain’t scared of no one of your bullshits, ya hear me?” Scout pointed at him with anger “So whats up with Demo?”

“Vell, big woman voice says that Demoman’s friend betrays him for a weapon. A secret weapon!” Heavy raised his hands like a ghost as he mentioned the weapon “So Demoman get really angry and scream with Spy, who told Administrator that Demoman’s friend betrayed him!”

“Who was his friend anyway?” Scout asked as he sat down on the table, next to Spy

“Ze BLU Soldier.” Spy quickly answered

Scout spitted all his juice on Engineer, who was sitting in front of them. Engineer simply picked up a napkin and cleaned his glasses:

“Ya kidding me? He was friends with the enemy?”

“No, boy, he vas friends vith ze BLU Soldier?!” Spy answered “Are you deaf?”

“Well, I just thought that… maybe he could become friends with the entire BLU team!” Scout said, his mind thinking about the possibilities

“Well, boy” Engineer said “Despite the fact that ye just made me use my last napkin, I think your right.”

“Vell, it really doesn’t matters.” Spy said, looking back to his creme brulê “As long ve get to shoot ze other team, I-“

Spy was interrupted by Demoman’s voice, who was in the Intercom:

“Attention, lads, ye all come to the reunion room, I have a really important matter to *hic* talk about!” a loud screech interrupted Demoman “Oy, how do ye turn off this *hic* thing?”

“Ah, merde, he’s drunk again!” Spy screamed “I am not cleaning ze barfs!”


The whole team was on the reunion room, awaiting for Demoman. Suddenly the lights turned off and the spotlight focused on the stage, where Demoman now was:

“Lads, today, I have been betrayed!” he hiccupped, but continued “That bloody Soldier will have my… *hic* revenge!”

“What did you say, MAGGOT?!” our Soldier exclaimed “I’ll come right there and strangle you… and your wife… and your CHILDREEEEEN!”

“Not you, ye bloody shtupid, sit down!” he hiccupped “I had the yellow hat man build me this device!” he raised a small gray block that had fours zero’s “From now on, every bloody BLU Soldier killed will make this number bigger! And you, lads, will help me!”


“Ahm, no.” Spy said “Its your var, drunk man, not ours.”

“Ze agree.” Medic said, cleaning his glasses “If ze vant to kill Soldiers, ze kill yourself.”

“YES!” Heavy raised his hand “I’ll help, and all puny team vill too!”

“NO!” said everyone except the Demoman

“Alright, alright, dont hurt Heavy!”

“You stupid maggots and you stupid ideas!” Soldier got up and picked his shovel “Come on Shovel, let’s go!”

Everyone in the team got up, despite Demoman’s attempts to keep them there. Only Scout remained, and that was because he was listening to his MP40 player, a strange device that Engineer made for him.

“AHA! I knew ye lad was going to help me!” Demoman exclaimed

“Wow, wow, what?!” Scout removed his earpiece’s “I was going to help you!”

“Ef course!” Demoman jumped off the stage and runned to Scout “You will guard the base and kill any bloody Soldier that tries to invade it!”

“I will?”

“Ef course, lad, good luck!”

Scout just stood there as Demoman left. The Announcer exclaimed:

“1 minute left to the end of cease-fire!”


And so this was Scout’s tale. And now he was there, standing on the base’s entrance, Scattergun in hand, ready to kill any Soldier. And everytime Demoman respawned, he asked if he could leave. And Demoman answered:

“Ye can’t. It’s the bloody war, mate.”

Goddamn you, Engineer, next time make the device play musics at a lower volume!


5 Responses

  1. More!!

  2. hi

  3. Spy shouldn’t really say ve instead of We, French people are actually very articulate in pronouncing english. french people say more Zis, instead of this. remember.

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