Team Fortress 2: The Ride

Yesterday, I had an idea for a theme park ride based on Team Fortress 2. It would go something like this:

Basic Concept:

You are a new recruit from the TF Industries. Go into the RED or BLU side and shoot as many targets as you can. The team who gets more points, win the game!

Ride Vehicle:

Something like the image above. It is from the Buzz Lightyear’s Space Ranger Spin attraction, where you sit on these cars and have to shoot the Z’s (from the name Zurg). But the ride vehicle would be different for the RED and BLU versions. On the BLU version, the vehicle would be made of metal and with blue as the predominant color. The RED version would’ve been made of wood and have, of course, RED, as the predominant color.

Ride System:

The vehicles would pass through 2fort in a training session with cardboards enemies. Shoot the enemies (all the classes in the opposite color of your car) and win points. Sometimes the two cars will be facing each other, and you’ll have the chance to shoot them and make them lose some points, or even make ’em spin and lose the chance to get some nice targets. In the end, Soldier will count the total points from the car, and depending on who wins, the entire car will get a code for a medal that can be retrieved on the gift shop.

Queue and Loading Area:

One of the main characteristics of rides from the Disney Theme Parks is that their queues are an enteitranment by themselves. Well, except this one. The ride queue would begin with you entering the base. Before you enter the pre-show area, the theme would change to the intel room, where you see the pre-show. In the loading area, you can see some of the classes popping up. Example: Heavy appears behind a wall and shouts Medic, and on the other side you can see Medic looking around, but as he spots Heavy, he disappears. Or even have Scout appearing, then he drinks Bonk and appears in various places.


You are in the intel room. On one side, you can see the giant vista that you have on the 2fort intel room (y’know, the one to the room full of computers). On the other side there’s the Alarm-O-Tron 3000, with some combinations popping up, and on the side you are facing, there’s a screen showing the logo of the version you choosed. The screen suddenly blinks and Soldier appears.

Soldier: Alright you maggots, listen up! I know you have all just been recruited, but we have a serious training mission coming up, so you better stop talking to your little maggots and pay attention!

*a small board appears behind Soldier*

Soldier: Good! Now, on this training mission, there are lots and lots of targets around the base. Your mission? Shoot them, make them explode, make them wish that their mommas were not cardboards on the cardboard destruction factory!

*the board now shows the gun on the vehicle*

Soldier: This is your gun! Use it to shoot! I think that you know how to do that, hmmm? Well, shoot the cardboards targets and-

*the entire pre-show room goes on alert mode and the Alarm-O-Tron warns “BLU/RED team”, “DOING”, “MISSION TRAINING”*

Soldier: It looks like our enemy is doing mission training! Now, this gets interesting! Shoot the enemy team and maybe if you win, I’ll give you a medal! Now, some important safety instructions!

*Medic appears on the screen as Soldier leaves*

Medic: When the doors to the load area open, get in your vehicle. Remember to buckle up the seatbelt. Ve dont vant anyone flying from their vehicles… At least, them.

*Medic laughs, and then he continues*

Medic: Please, no eating, no drinking, smoking during the ride. Keep your hands and arms inside your vehicle unless you want to shoot someone. Now, move it, zoldiers!

*The version logo appears on the screen and the doors to the unloading area open*

End of the Ride and Post-Show:

At the end of the ride, before the un-load area, there is a screen where Soldier appears and say’s the ending speech. If you got more points than the other team:

Soldier: Congratulations, maggots! Welcome to the BLU/RED team! Now, in your point screen there should be a code. After you un-load, use this code to get your own medal! Ten…. hut!

If you lost:

Soldier: Maggots, I am disappointed! I thought you could do better! Now you’ll watch as the enemy team gets a medal and you don’t! Shame on you, maggots, your mommas should be disappointed!

After un-loading, guests can exit the ride building or go to the gift shop full of TF2 merchandise and pick up their medals. The medals have their names and a class, and under the class, the words “I won!”, and on the other side, the TF2 logo.

What do you think? I just got excited…

This article was written by Stratofarius. If you like this article about theme parks and their rides, check out Stratoblog, where Stratofarius discuss about the Disney Parks & Resorts.


7 Responses

  1. Hah, that was good. I enjoyed reading it.

  2. Ooo. That sounds like a good idea. I’ll contact disney to see if they want to build it.

    • They’ll probably change the concept to something including Mickey and Nemo.

  3. Team Fortress to is rated M for Mature.

    • So? If your talking about it going to Disney, which is most visited by kids, of course they wouldn’t do that. However, there are other parks in the theme park business who would gadly do that. Take a look at Universal Studios and Halloween Horror Nights. That event IS made to scare the sh*t out of kids.

    • Well, the ride doesn’t needs blood and gibs, which are one of the main reasons that TF2 has a M rating.

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