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VALVeLAND – Part 1


It is I, Stratofarius, fresh from the KritzKast loving party. Yes, we have one. No, I’m not telling where it is. We don’t want our chips stash to suddenly end just because I told my readers where the party is. So let’s get started, right? After I sent an e-mail to the KritzKast cast about the TF2: The Ride ideas, they said “heck, they should make a whole theme park based out of VALVe!” and they even the named the episode VALVeLAND. So I should totally make it. So then I decided to activate my writing-3-post-series hability and decided to show everyone what would have on each themed area of VALVeLAND. First area is:

Come! Join the fun at Whispering Oaks, the best amusement park on that small area of the world that we call VALVeLAND. Come enjoy Whispering Oaks fine selection of fair games, rides and restaurants, and don’t miss your chance to take your picture with one of our mascots: Li’l Peanut!

While Whispering Oaks may seem like the normal amusement park that you find accidentally empty after a zombie apocalypse, you can have your chance to take a photo with one of the L4D survivors who are aimlessly wandering around… Wow! Just like the game! When the sun goes out, the Infected fill the streets (wait, streets?) of Whispering Oaks, and you can take a picture with any of the Special Infected.

Whispering Oaks is located at the north section of the park, and its always the last section of the park to close? Why? Lets see now:

  • The Fair Games: basic fair games are located near the entrance of the area. Test Your Strenght, Shoot The Targets, Get the Duck, and lots, lots of snack stands fill this area.
  • Kiddieland: Now you too can be an five year old with guns and a comprehensive grasp of every swear word in the english language! Here you can find the biggest location of rides directed to kids!
  • The Tunnel of Love: The longest tunnel of love ever is now open for visitors! This tunnel of love is actually the home for the Tunnel of Tank ride. Here, you board simulators that reproduce the feeling on being on the Tunnel of Love- but this is no ordinary Tunnel of Love, because OMYGODTHEREISATANKRIGHTBEHINDYOU! What follows is a creepy crawly chase through the guts of an Tunnel of Love.
  • The Screaming Oak: The last ride of the area is the screaming oak, a wooden roller coaster, probably the best in town. Pass through the famous tunnel and discover that this is an expanded ride: therefore, there is more track to ride, and more time to scream!
  • Moustachio Pizza Parlor: Enjoy an delicious pizza served by Moustachio- are you hungry enough to eat Moustachio’s delicious pizza?
  • The Peach Pit: This amazing stadium has the biggest collection of light effects, fireworks and sound systems for an incredible performance by various bands. Sometimes, you might even spot the Midnight Riders and get an autograph from them.

Photo opportunities on Whispering Oaks include each of the L4D Survivors at day and the Special Infected at night.

2fort is the place where the rides based on the Team Fortress 2 universe are located. The only area without an restaurant contains two rides, plenty of shops and lots, I MEAN LOTS, photo opportunities with the TF2 characters. Also, almost everything in there is interactive (even the Announcer can have its speech changed). Here are the land’s spotlights:

  • TF2: The Ride – TF2: The Ride is the ride that I previously created and that pratically cried this entire discussion. Board a training mobile and shoot the targets to get points. Shoot the enemy team to stop team for getting more points than you- Remember, if you don’t want to be send to your mama on a box, you HAVE to get more points!
  • The Payload Rollercoaster: Through the magic of building theme parks, we transported a payload cart into a rollercoaster cart and created the Payload Rollercoaster. Full of effects, drive, speed and burst through 2fort as you try to explode inside the enemy’s base!
  • TF2 Character Meet-Up: A spot to meet all of your favorite characters.
  • The TF2 Emporium: Named after the famous TF2 Emporium from the Facepunch forum, here you can buy hats and souvenirs from TF2:The Ride and the game, and even create your own custom hat through the tools of modding (or your imaginaaaation!)

On 2fort, there is a sub-section called The Sewer Water Park. Using the money from the government, the TF Industries cleaned 2fort’s sewer waters and transformed it into a water park, where you can slide down the Heavy slide (for the adults), the Scout slide (for the little kids), the Pyro slide (for the grown-ups) and the Engineer slide (for teens), and play on a mini shootout game with water, everything at one big area!

Tune in next time: for more details on Whispering Oaks and 2fort, and two new lands are revealed. What are they? Also, more general stuff about VALVeLAND, including an interview with project supervisor, Gabe Newell.

This article was written by Stratofarius. If you like this article about theme parks and their rides, check out Stratoblog, where Stratofarius discuss about the Disney Parks & Resorts.


One Response

  1. […] Valveland – Part 1 […]

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